Dirty Weekend

Dirty weekend in Brighton - the city that invented dirty weekends! There are hotels that solely exist to provide sexy breaks for couples.

The city of Brighton positively throbs with smut and it is impossible not to find yourself infected by it on a dirty weekend away. The obvious choice would be the hotel Pelirocco with its themed rooms. It definitely has a  Vegas feel about the place but might a bit too contrived unless you really want to embrace the theme of the room and get yourselves into character…

There are other hotels in the same sort of price bracket that provide more luxury and less novelty so might be a bit more suited to the Brighton dirty weekend… maybe try the Hotel Du Vin or the Kemp Townhouse.

There also many dated, down at heel hotels and bed and breakfasts that would recreated the perfect Mr and Mrs Smith weekend away. Just take a walk along the seafront and chose the one with the most peeling paint around the windows.

As for Brighton sex shops …. Lust is very mainstream and non-threatening or try Taboo for something a little less vanilla.

Everyone likes to spray their cream all over a loved one! But how many people like to lick it off again afterwards? With a cream dispenser then ii all gets a whole lot easier. Whip yourself into a frenzy of froth and lust as the gas builds up and the bubble bursts!

 Even better add some flavouring to it and sweeten the goo. Of course as you add flavoured syrups and sugars then it all gets a bit stickier so you’ll have to wash it off afterwards. Water sports fun to finish. So how about a cream charger for a dirty weekend idea? Definitely worth a go … unless you happen to be lactose intolerant, in which case then I would recommend a soya shake.

Remember - everything is worth trying once.

Recreate the scene of a stripper bar in the privacy of your own home for an interesting dirty weekend.

Get hold of a pole dancing pole and put it up at your house, lower the lights and choose some nice tunes to get yourself in the mood. There are plenty of youtube poledancing videos to give you a few ideas for moves. My tip would be to avoid anything too athletic those are more for the people that think of a pole dance as a sport rather than an erotic experience.

The pole you choose could be the cheap and cheerful peekaboo pole or the more versatile, stronger x pole which will be good enough to use for the ‘exercise’ type of dance if you want to move on to that. DO NOT try any lifts or spins on a peekaboo pole, they really are just for walking around and looking sexy.

Most poles can be put up in a matter of minutes without leaving any mark on the floor or ceiling.

For this dirty weekend idea to really work, you will need to focus more on setting the mood than on the dancing. The lighting and music need to recreate the feel of an actual club for this roleplay scenario to really work.

Get you partner to sit in a chair at a table with a drink in his hand, let the musci play a bit before you make your entry - this will add to the anticipation.

Invest in some new, sexy shoes and clothes for the evening - think of it as a disguise to help you to get into character. I’ve been told a hat is a great way to hide nervousness and keep up confidence.

Be confident as you strut your stuff - it can only have a happy ending, even if the dance is rubbish the clothes and atmosphere will be enough to ensure a fantastic evening.

Going away for the weekend? Not this weekend, but I am thinking a head. Planning for something special. Something by the seaside. Something Boutique. Although it has to be said, the term “boutique” has been stretched to breaking point. It should be defined by Trading Standards. Similar to the way organic can’t be bandied around willy nilly. Actually, now that I think about it the word organic is not to clearly defined in labelling. That is why the soil association need to rubber stamp the packaging. So, that is what we need. A boutique hotel rubber stamping agency. Things to look for….

• Every room should be unique
• The art on the walls should be original
• Not part of a chain

Job done. I am going to write to my MP to sort this out. We will get a Europe wide standard on Boutiqueness. Extra points will not be awarded for the trouser press or conference facilities.

This week I am mainly planning to stay in and watch the DVDcalled “Nine Songs” it doesn’tn have the greatest of reviews, in fact the popular consensus is that it is crap. But it does have the fact going for it that it is one of the few major release movies that contain real sex. Not dure how they weave the story around it, but I am guessing that they do it nine times over the ninety minutes so it’ll be pretty action packed.I am sure that it is possible to devise some sort of drinking game to go along with this film. Take a swig every time there is a full frontal. Down a glass for every orgasm. That sort of thing.

What exactly is/isn’t acceptable for a regualr 18 certificate film is also something that I am curious about. I’ll report back next week after the viewing.